Mindset Archives - Large Family Management

How To Be A Happy Housewife: Love What You Must Do

April 26, 2017

Are you having trouble feeling motivated to get up and do your housework and mothering tasks all over again? So much of motherhood and housewifery involves the same tasks over and over again, with little to show for your efforts at the end of the day.

The same thing goes for housework. You wash a full sink of dishes after breakfast, but then it just fills up again after lunch and dinner. There’s hardly time to enjoy the results before those results are undone!

The tasks of motherhood and housekeeping can wear on you like a dripping faucet unless you make sure to get your head on straight.

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5 Quick Ways to Immediately Upgrade Your Mood

April 10, 2017

When was the last time that you had one of those days that was going all wrong? Maybe you are having one right now. Or maybe, you’ve gotten into a rut with your mood and mindset, and you’re having trouble breaking free?

We all know that your outlook on life, or your mood, affects more than just yourself. It affects everyone that you come in contact with.

I’m definitely speaking to myself when I say, “There’s really no place for a rotten, negative attitude in life”. Especially when you have children who are watching your every mood and listening to your every word.

Let’s get into five of the quickest ways that I have found to change your mood and your outlook, and end your day strong and happy.

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Oxygen Mask Mothering

February 7, 2017

Are you in one of those stages of motherhood where everything feels hard and overwhelming? Or do you feel harried, busy, or anxious with no room to breath and relax?

It’s time to put your oxygen mask on, Mama.

There’s no shame in having to step back for a minute, re-evaluate a situation, change what you are doing, and lessen your load. It’s actually a really good thing. This is what I call putting on your oxygen mask.

Putting on your oxygen mask prevents Mom Burnout. No one wants to end up with Mom Burnout, it’s hard to recover, it’s hard to see the joy, it’s hard to do anything.

Being proactive when you are feeling a little piqued or stressed is a much better way to keep calm, and Mom on. I put on my own oxygen mask several times per week, and I’m a better Mom for it.

If what you are experiencing goes beyond simple burnout, it’s time to reach out for help. There’s no shame in getting the help you need. You must take care of yourself.

You Are Not a Maid, You Are a Mom

If you are in the middle of chores again and you stop and look around, what are your children doing? Are they working alongside you, or are they playing or following their own pursuits?

Are you the only one who is ever in the kitchen, doing laundry, or taking out the trash? I’ve got news for you. You’re not the mom anymore, you’re the maid. It’s time to change that mentality, Mama!

Everyone in this house works on housekeeping, including me. I’m not asking the children to do anything that I am not willing to do myself, but I am also not going to be the only one working.

We create our mess as a family, we’ll clean it as a family too!

I am doing my best to raise children who are helpful and proactive, and not just in my own home. I am teaching them to watch for ways to be helpful and serve wherever they go.

If they are sitting down, watching TV and they realize that someone is doing a bunch of chores (kitchen, laundry, cleaning, organizing), I don’t want them to just sit there and continue to entertain themselves.

I want them to get up and volunteer to help.

This is an ongoing effort, it takes reminding and training. But I want every child in my family to have the mentality of “See a job that needs to be done, then do it.”

If you need some help figuring out how to break up and fit in all of the tiny jobs that go into keep your home running, download my FREE cheat sheets!

There is nothing more exasperating and sad than seeing a mother killing herself in the kitchen to serve her family, while the rest of her family lounges in the living room with toys spread out everywhere, trashcan overflowing, and the bathrooms in need of a wipe-down.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by all of the chores you are doing, lighten your load by assigning jobs that need to be done to family members. You don’t personally have to do it all.

Have one of your bigger kids take out the trash. Hand a wet washcloth to a toddler and have him wipe off those lower cabinet doors, have a middle aged child chop those vegetables for you, and teach the toddlers to clean up whenever you play the clean-up song.

It’s Okay to Tell Your Children to be Quiet

If some of your children are past the napping stage of childhood, and you find yourself still needing some downtime in the afternoon, it’s okay and beneficial to have a family quiet time.

Treat this time just as you used to treat nap time. Sacred and non-negotiable. Determine the length of time, time of day, and go for it.

Let the children know what they will be doing, for how long, and what the rules will be.

It’s ok to give yourself this mental break. It’s also a mental break for your children, it’s down time. Everyone needs downtime.

This is a great time for children to play quietly by themselves, read, work on a hobby, etc. Keep the electronics off, and let them know that during quiet time, there is no talking unless there is an emergency.

Spend Time Doing Something that You Love

Spend a little bit of time each and every day doing something that you love, just for you. You don’t have to dedicate an entire hour to your hobby, even 10-15 minutes per day is enough.

If you really enjoy sewing, sit down and work on your project for 15 minutes per day during the week. If you do that every day, by the end of the week you will have logged an hour and forty-five minutes!

While it is nice to be able to sit down and work on hobbies for larger chunks of time, if you don’t have time in your schedule right now, tiny time segments can still be refreshing!

I really enjoy reading for fun right now. I have tried and rejected so many different hobbies, looking for one that really lights me up, sewing, knitting, hand-lettering, coloring, paper crafting, cake decorating, every single one of those hobbies stress me out.

But reading, I’ve always loved reading! So I stick to that for now. It’s what refreshes me.

Learn to Say No

Learn to say no, not just to your children, but to other people as well. I personally have a problem with this. It’s so hard to let someone down.

But do you know what I’ve realized? If I say yes, I’m still letting someone down. Someone has to pay the price.

If a friend or acquaintance asks me to do something, and I say yes, that usually means that I am saying no, either to myself or to my family.

We all have a finite amount of time, so if you are giving that time to someone else, then you have to take it from somewhere.

Sometimes, it’s worth the cost, other times, it is not. You have to be able to distinguish the best times to say yes and the best times to say no.

In the last month, I’ve had to start saying no more because I was saying yes too often. We had to stop hosting our small group at our house, I’ve had to cut back on the number of days that I take the children to martial arts, and we’ve had to cut back the amount of time we are spending in leadership roles at our church.

We said yes too much, and it was starting to take a toll, so we had to start saying no. It’s okay to say no. Especially if you need some breathing room.

If you are feeling frazzled, burned out and apathetic, it’s time to start making some changes! Simplify your life, get back to the basics, take some time for yourself to just breathe.

Get yourself back to the point where you feel human again. You have got to take care of yourself and treat yourself gently before you can be expected to give it your all as a Mom.

You can only give so much before your well will run dry. Put on your oxygen mask first, so that you are then in a better position to be a great Mom to your children.

First Impressions Matter

February 6, 2017

First impressions matter. I’m sure you’ve already heard of Grant Kessler. He’s the eighteen-year-old man who dressed in a suit and tie to go to the hospital to meet his new niece for the first time.

When asked why he was dressed in a suit, Kessler told USA Today “While everyone was dressed casually, I was wearing a suit. I do think that first impressions matter a lot and I wanted Carter (his new niece) to look back on that day with photos and see the attention she was getting.”

Words that immediately come to mind when I think of this young man are sweet, thoughtful, respectful, proactive. Aren’t these the characteristics of all the best first impressions?

It’s Twice As Hard To Change a First Impression

Think back to the last time someone gave you a bad first impression. Whenever this happens to me, it’s always difficult to let go of that initial impression and form a new one.

We’ve been conditioned as a society to “trust our gut”. So letting go of a bad first impression and forming a new one goes against most people’s instincts.

So what does this mean for you and for me? How can we ensure that our first impression is a true representation of our character?

1. Be Presentable, Always

While it’s true, there may be times when you know you will be meeting someone for the first time, there are plenty of other times when you are unexpectedly introduced to a new person.

Always be presentable. You don’t have to be in full Instagram makeup, but be presentable, even if you are just running to the grocery store, or dropping off a child at school.

If you get into the habit of making yourself presentable on a daily basis, you will always be ready for what life throws your way.

2. Don’t Downplay a Compliment

Let’s say that you are dressed nicely, accessorized, perfumed, made-up, and coiffed and you happen to run into either an acquaintance or you meet someone new (woohoo! you look amazing!).

Because most people are unaccustomed to seeing a person look amazing outside of church or the office, she will most likely say something along the lines of “Oh my! You look amazing!” or some other compliment.

Do NOT downplay a compliment. You KNOW that you look amazing! You are the one who set aside extra time this morning to ensure that you look amazing, so don’t say something silly like, “Oh, this old thing.” or “Well, I had to use extra eye cream for the bags under my eyes this morning”.

Smile your dazzling smile, say “thank you!”. And then move on to another topic of conversation. Accept the compliment graciously.

3. Don’t Apologize For Your Appearance

Now let’s say that you are caught unawares. (Oh, the horror!). Whatever you do, do NOT apologize for your appearance. When you apologize for a sloppy appearance, you only make the other person uncomfortable.

You know how it goes, you say something along the lines of “Oh, I don’t normally look this sloppy! I was in a rush this morning.” The other person then has to say, “Oh no! You look great! I wish I looked half as great as you!”

You know that the other person is lying. The other person is annoyed because you basically just forced her to lie. Your initial bad impression (from your sloppy appearance) just got even worse because of your self-deprecating remarks.

So, what do you do when you are caught looking less than your best?

4. Even If Your Appearance Isn’t Perfect, Smile and Sparkle

If you are caught looking less than your best and you run into anyone, even someone new, smile and let your personality shine!

Be polite, be inquisitive (ask the other person about herself), be witty, smile, smile, smile! By the end of the conversation, the other person will have most likely completely forgotten what state of dress she caught you in, and only remember your caring and sincere attitude.

To sum it all up, first impressions matter. But first impressions are not only about physical impressions but also about emotional connections. If you present yourself as a confident, caring person, that is what will be remembered.

If you present yourself as an apologizing, self-deprecating, self-absorbed person, that will be remembered, along with the appearance that you continued to draw attention to.

Do your best to always be presentable, and you won’t have to give a second thought to running into someone while you are out. But if you are caught looking less than your best, let your personality shine, and you will be just fine.

Makeover Your Monday Morning Mindset

February 6, 2017

May I be honest here? I used to hate Mondays. I didn’t just hate them, I despised them, loathed them. I woke up on Monday morning with a dread-filled heart. If I could just sleep through the whole day I would have. Week after week.

I’m trying to think back to when exactly I started hated Mondays, and I really can’t pinpoint the time. It most likely happened as a child, because really, who wants to go back to school on Monday after a fun-filled weekend?

As an adult, the same thought pattern applied. I didn’t want to get back to the grind and slog through that first day of the week. Doesn’t everything always go sideways on Monday?

When you are a stay at home mom, you’re all alone since your husband went back to work, so all of the home and child responsibilities fall back on your shoulders. This is a really heavy burden to bear. At least on the weekends, you get to share the burden.

Everything that could go wrong on Monday generally did, and even if it didn’t all actually go wrong, I built Monday up to be such a big, bad monster that it FELT like everything went wrong.

I was completely swamped by my awful Monday Mentality. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Just like I cannot pinpoint when my Monday-hating began, I also cannot pinpoint when it ended, but it’s only been less than a year.

Let me let you in on a little secret. I kinda love Mondays now. I anticipate them, I reach for them, I grab onto them, and then I squeeze the living daylights out of them. I get more done on Monday than every other day in my week. I won’t say it’s a breeze, it’s not.

Things still go wrong, but I refuse to let those Monday Mishaps derail my amazing Mondays. So what’s changed?

Monday is a Fresh Start

Somewhere along the way I stopped thinking of Mondays as the weekend party crasher and started looking at Mondays as the start of something great.

You know how everyone always looks to January 1 as a fresh start and a new beginning? I have a January 1 every single week! It’s my opportunity to try harder, reach deeper, work smarter, tidy up better, read to my children more, eat healthier, and exercise more.

This is the day that I whip my house back into shape after a weekend of relaxing, and I have the energy to do just that because over the weekend I was…relaxing!

Instead of New Year’s Resolutions, I set New Week Resolutions, and you know what? I hit them way more often than I hit New Year’s Resolutions. It’s funny how only having 7 days to accomplish a goal can motivate a girl.

Dress For the Monday You Want, Not the Monday You Have

Another way that I make my Mondays amazing is by dressing the part. If you’ve read much on my blog you know that I get dressed and set every day, but I take a little extra time on Monday.

I don’t just look presentable on Mondays, I look fantastic. When I look fantastic, I feel fantastic, and when I feel fantastic, fantastic things happen. It’s just the way life works.

You don’t need to get dressed to the nines, but tie on a scarf, or put in a pair of sparkly earrings. Try just one small thing on Mondays to make yourself a little more polished and see if it doesn’t help your mentality for the rest of the day.

Take No Prisoners

On Mondays, in order to bring the household back under control, I have to shift into “take no prisoners” mode. This doesn’t mean that I turn into a drill sergeant and start yelling at the kids.

Just the opposite. Kindness is the law of the day. There is absolutely no room for frustration or tempers, they only kill the mood and slow me down.

Whenever a mishap happens, and it will, clean it up as quickly as possible and move onto the next task. This is one of those times, Mamas, that you are teaching and leading your children through example.

If something goes wrong in your day, like a mess, a spill, an injury, etc. and you handle it with grace and a smile, your children are watching, and they are learning. This is where the term “grace under fire” originates.

Teach your children grace under fire every single Monday.

Your attitude is only half of the “take no prisoners” equation. The other half is about resetting your home. I mentioned earlier that I relax on the weekend, and it is true.

Unless we are having company on Saturday or Sunday, I keep the laundry going, and we all do basic maintenance (dishes, pet care, and keeping the living room picked up), but the clutter around the house starts to accumulate, and the kitchen generally isn’t swept, and the living room isn’t vacuumed.

So there is some work that needs to be done in order to get the house back to 10 minutes until clean. I do my best to get this done early in the day with the children’s help. We take back control of the house, but we do this with an attitude of dominion, not of servitude.

The attitude makes all the difference.

Is it time for a Monday Morning Mindset change in your home? Like all major mindset changes, it’s best to start out small and with a change of perspective. Start out by looking at your Monday as a fresh start and see where that takes you.

Prepare to be surprised, and be prepared to surprise your husband. Mine still has a hard time believing how much I love my Mondays now.