Child-Rearing Archives - Page 3 of 3 - Large Family Management

How I Got My First Baby To Sleep Through The Night

May 31, 2017

My first baby was a total dream and convinced me that at the tender age of 21, I was a parenting prodigy. It couldn’t possibly be that I had an easy-going baby. It was me and my amazing skills.

He nursed like a champ, he quickly and effortlessly fell into a predictable schedule, I got him to sleep through the night by 8 weeks, he reached all of his milestones on time or ahead of schedule.

He was perfect. Or I was perfect. Or maybe we were both perfect?

My second baby was born just two years later, and because I was such a perfect parent, I was really thrown for a loop when my second baby wasn’t at all like the first.

He was cranky, constantly wanted to be held, had a sensitive tummy, so I had to be super careful about what I ate. He rarely slept, and when he did, it was only for 45 minutes at a time.

I was exhausted, he was exhausted. We were both exhausted. But I realized something very important. I wasn’t a perfect parent, I just lucked out with my first.

Or maybe it wasn’t all luck. My methods were also different.

Effective Parenting Tips: 5 Quick Ways to Improve Your Parenting Tone

May 12, 2017

Parenting is such hard work. I know that every mother who is reading this wants to be a better parent. *I* want to be a better parent! Sometime it’s so difficult though to know how to do just that.

We all know the effects of good parenting (happier, better adjusted children), the problem though is knowing how to get there.

Instead of just giving you more good parenting principles though, I am going to give you five effective parenting tips that are actionable steps that you can take right now that will actually get you moving in the right direction, instead of wondering how to implement.

Let’s get started!
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The One Way You Should Never Respond to Your Children

May 10, 2017

Mom! Mom? MoooooM?!?!?!

Do you hear that every day like I do? Do you find yourself thinking…my child talks too much…

Do you also start off your day gazing lovingly at your little blessings and answering with a kind tone. But by the end of the day and the 700th “Mom!” you are ready to:

1. Tell your kids to stop calling you that.
2. Change your name.
3. Never tell your children your new name.

Oxygen Mask Mothering

February 7, 2017

Are you in one of those stages of motherhood where everything feels hard and overwhelming? Or do you feel harried, busy, or anxious with no room to breath and relax?

It’s time to put your oxygen mask on, Mama.

There’s no shame in having to step back for a minute, re-evaluate a situation, change what you are doing, and lessen your load. It’s actually a really good thing. This is what I call putting on your oxygen mask.

Putting on your oxygen mask prevents Mom Burnout. No one wants to end up with Mom Burnout, it’s hard to recover, it’s hard to see the joy, it’s hard to do anything.

Being proactive when you are feeling a little piqued or stressed is a much better way to keep calm, and Mom on. I put on my own oxygen mask several times per week, and I’m a better Mom for it.

If what you are experiencing goes beyond simple burnout, it’s time to reach out for help. There’s no shame in getting the help you need. You must take care of yourself.

You Are Not a Maid, You Are a Mom

If you are in the middle of chores again and you stop and look around, what are your children doing? Are they working alongside you, or are they playing or following their own pursuits?

Are you the only one who is ever in the kitchen, doing laundry, or taking out the trash? I’ve got news for you. You’re not the mom anymore, you’re the maid. It’s time to change that mentality, Mama!

Everyone in this house works on housekeeping, including me. I’m not asking the children to do anything that I am not willing to do myself, but I am also not going to be the only one working.

We create our mess as a family, we’ll clean it as a family too!

I am doing my best to raise children who are helpful and proactive, and not just in my own home. I am teaching them to watch for ways to be helpful and serve wherever they go.

If they are sitting down, watching TV and they realize that someone is doing a bunch of chores (kitchen, laundry, cleaning, organizing), I don’t want them to just sit there and continue to entertain themselves.

I want them to get up and volunteer to help.

This is an ongoing effort, it takes reminding and training. But I want every child in my family to have the mentality of “See a job that needs to be done, then do it.”

If you need some help figuring out how to break up and fit in all of the tiny jobs that go into keep your home running, download my FREE cheat sheets!

There is nothing more exasperating and sad than seeing a mother killing herself in the kitchen to serve her family, while the rest of her family lounges in the living room with toys spread out everywhere, trashcan overflowing, and the bathrooms in need of a wipe-down.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by all of the chores you are doing, lighten your load by assigning jobs that need to be done to family members. You don’t personally have to do it all.

Have one of your bigger kids take out the trash. Hand a wet washcloth to a toddler and have him wipe off those lower cabinet doors, have a middle aged child chop those vegetables for you, and teach the toddlers to clean up whenever you play the clean-up song.

It’s Okay to Tell Your Children to be Quiet

If some of your children are past the napping stage of childhood, and you find yourself still needing some downtime in the afternoon, it’s okay and beneficial to have a family quiet time.

Treat this time just as you used to treat nap time. Sacred and non-negotiable. Determine the length of time, time of day, and go for it.

Let the children know what they will be doing, for how long, and what the rules will be.

It’s ok to give yourself this mental break. It’s also a mental break for your children, it’s down time. Everyone needs downtime.

This is a great time for children to play quietly by themselves, read, work on a hobby, etc. Keep the electronics off, and let them know that during quiet time, there is no talking unless there is an emergency.

Spend Time Doing Something that You Love

Spend a little bit of time each and every day doing something that you love, just for you. You don’t have to dedicate an entire hour to your hobby, even 10-15 minutes per day is enough.

If you really enjoy sewing, sit down and work on your project for 15 minutes per day during the week. If you do that every day, by the end of the week you will have logged an hour and forty-five minutes!

While it is nice to be able to sit down and work on hobbies for larger chunks of time, if you don’t have time in your schedule right now, tiny time segments can still be refreshing!

I really enjoy reading for fun right now. I have tried and rejected so many different hobbies, looking for one that really lights me up, sewing, knitting, hand-lettering, coloring, paper crafting, cake decorating, every single one of those hobbies stress me out.

But reading, I’ve always loved reading! So I stick to that for now. It’s what refreshes me.

Learn to Say No

Learn to say no, not just to your children, but to other people as well. I personally have a problem with this. It’s so hard to let someone down.

But do you know what I’ve realized? If I say yes, I’m still letting someone down. Someone has to pay the price.

If a friend or acquaintance asks me to do something, and I say yes, that usually means that I am saying no, either to myself or to my family.

We all have a finite amount of time, so if you are giving that time to someone else, then you have to take it from somewhere.

Sometimes, it’s worth the cost, other times, it is not. You have to be able to distinguish the best times to say yes and the best times to say no.

In the last month, I’ve had to start saying no more because I was saying yes too often. We had to stop hosting our small group at our house, I’ve had to cut back on the number of days that I take the children to martial arts, and we’ve had to cut back the amount of time we are spending in leadership roles at our church.

We said yes too much, and it was starting to take a toll, so we had to start saying no. It’s okay to say no. Especially if you need some breathing room.

If you are feeling frazzled, burned out and apathetic, it’s time to start making some changes! Simplify your life, get back to the basics, take some time for yourself to just breathe.

Get yourself back to the point where you feel human again. You have got to take care of yourself and treat yourself gently before you can be expected to give it your all as a Mom.

You can only give so much before your well will run dry. Put on your oxygen mask first, so that you are then in a better position to be a great Mom to your children.

Teaching Manners Through Habits

January 24, 2017

If you have been thinking about teaching manners to your children, then you have probably already noticed that there is a world of difference between a polite, well-mannered child and a child who hasn’t been taught basic courtesy.

Well-mannered children are not just born, and manners are not an inherited trait. A mannerly child, or adult for that matter, has been taught, and corrected, and corrected again. Manners go against human nature. They are about preferring others before yourself.

Manners are a habit that takes consistency and dedication, and weeks and months of practice. But the work is well worth it!

My children are not perfect, far from it, and we still work on manners, even with the older ones, every day. But I have found four different ways to teach and reinforce good manners, and I’m enjoying the fruit of this work now.

Teaching Manners–1. Habit of the Week

When we were first starting out, I decided that being reactive about manners was the wrong approach. What I mean about being reactive is responding with a manners reminder after the offense has already occurred. It just doesn’t work.

If you want your children to truly internalize good manners, the teaching has to happen first, and then you have to give your child a lot of practice.

It’s easiest for the child if you focus on one new habit per week. The obvious place to begin is with “please”.

So instead of constantly reminding/nagging your child to say please, start off at the breakfast table with a discussion. Talk about when “please” should be used, how it should be said (with a good attitude!), what you can expect when you use “please”, what you can expect when you don’t use “please”, etc.

Teaching Manners–2. Practice, Practice, Practice

If you want your children to truly internalize the manners habits that you are teaching them, you are going to have to practice with them. As I mentioned above, reacting is not practicing. Proactively teaching manners means reminding them of the habit, and then giving them the opportunity to practice.

Practicing means setting up daily scenarios. It’s reminding them BEFORE they forget.

So, if you are trying to teach your children to say “Please” after you follow step 1, you will say “And now we will practice. Watch how I do this. Johnny, would you PLEASE pass me that napkin?” Johnny passes the napkin, say thank you, and then instruct Johnny to ask his sister for an item nearby and to do it using please.

Continue this exercise for a minute or two (it will get old quickly unless you are teaching very young children).

Now, go about your day for a bit. But look for another opportunity to be proactive. If you know that it is getting close to snack time, or lunch time, remind the children to say “please” when asking for their food, etc.

If your child should ask you for something without saying please, don’t ask them “what do you say?”. Just look at them with eyebrows raised. Older children may catch on quickly and ask again with a “please”. But younger children may need a memory jogger.

But you aren’t just going to give it to them, make them think about it. Instead of asking “what do you say?”, instead, say something along the lines of “I seem to remember that we had a discussion this morning about something…….now what was it………” and wait for them to remember.

If you are dealing with a very young child, then you will need to be very patient with them, you may have to go ahead and just remind them to say “please”, but when they do it on their own, make sure to give a lot of praise and hugs.

Just remember to do your best to bring it up the weekly manners habit throughout the day, get in front of it in situations where you know they will be asking you for something, and play up the praise when you hear it happening naturally.

Teaching Manners–3. Random Rewards

This is a fun way to reinforce the children’s efforts. Give random rewards when you hear a natural “please”, or whatever other manners habit you are working on. Do NOT reward every time you hear it, it must be random or it won’t be nearly as effective.

In my home, chocolate chips are currency. Whenever I want to randomly reward behavior (depending on the size of the reward) I will go grab 1-5 chocolate chips from the jar. It’s cheap and delicious, and will motivate your child to keep trying!

Teaching Manners–4. Charge a Fine

This last method is only used for bad manners which are offensive to me and other people. If I had a child who struggled with bad language, I would fine him (I’m sure you’ve heard of the swear jar? It’s not a new concept).

In my home, my children who are old enough to control it are fined for burping and passing gas in front of others, they are also fined for bathroom humor. The fine is $1 and they have to hand it over when they are paid each week.

It works really well. I’ve made around $50 in the last six months, and there has been a considerable drop in these bad habits. My husband says it’s not fair because I feed the children so many beans, fruits, and vegetables. I think he’s just jealous because I don’t share the money with him.

Teaching manners is not difficult, you just have to firmly resolve that your children will be more mannerly, and then take action. You cannot expect perfection from them, but you can raise the bar for acceptable behavior.

Doors will open for your well-mannered children one day that may have otherwise remained closed if they had not become more courteous. Good manners are becoming so rare that they stand out. Help your children stand out for good reasons!